The beginning started at the end

I got divorced. I left a marriage that consisted of lying, deceit, cheating and fighting. ah yes, the fighting. I'm not an innocent by any means, I participated in the destruction. I know that mostly everyone has no idea what really happened. That I have become something of a black sheep amongst my family. I don't believe anyone is doing it on purpose; I want to think it is the fear of the unknown that makes me feel shut out. Shame on me really, as I didn't tell anyone the whole story. Why should I anyways, its none of their business. Its mine, and even though my ex-husband is/was a asshole, talking shit about him isn't going to make me feel better, well maybe it would.

Tim (the ex-husband)left me on October 1st 2008. Just walked out, took what he wanted and left. This had been long time coming, you see, We had been trying to kill each other in anger since about Feb. 2008, well at least full time. I think we had been on and off since our son was born.
So He left, I could feel it coming and imagined that I would be nothing, that I would crumble and fail without him. Stupid right, because He was destroying me in every way imaginable. The moment he left I didn't fall, I didn't crumble to ash, or hide in my bad for days. I found a strength inside me, an anger driven power that pulled me up right and forced me to stand on my own. When your spouse tells you that everything is more important than you, and He doesn't want you in his life anymore, you tend to get a wee bit mad! This helped very much when He came crawling back; the strength I had helped me to say "fuck you" when He begged for a hundredth chance.

And here I am a whole year later, standing on my own 2 feet; not standing very far above the poverty line, but standing. The truth is, you can't just leave something so significant without a few bumps and bruises. I felt a little hurt, still do, and I hope that my child doesn't hurt because of this; after all he is most important. But mostly I have learned that without the pain of a horrible marriage, and the depression that comes with it, that life is there. That now I am happy, for once since high school graduation I can be who I want to be, and live my life my way. We all deserve at least that.