The last year has been an amazing, scary, hard, frustrating, exciting, and wonderful journey. A year ago today James & I officially were together. We had no idea what we we doing; We were both married, living in temporary locations. We both needed to file for divorce and step forward in our lives. Together we had the strength and energy to overcome 2 divorces, kids being combined, moving, threats, cops, court orders, financial hardship, defiant children, the sadness and uncertainty that our past had scared us with. Although we have discovered a new and exciting life together, We knew it wouldn't be easy, We knew that if this is what we wanted we were in for a fight. AND WE HAD IT. We stood strong though it all and came out of it with a beautiful result; US.
Although we faced so many challenges, Together we have created a one of a kind, wonderful home and family. We will always have other parents to accommodate children with, and limitations to our time with our children, but we have given them a happy healthy home and family; which at the least they deserve.
I am excited and look forward to the years to come with James. We will continue to grow and be successful in our relationship. This is after all, where we we both meant to be.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Impending Birthday
Tomorrow is my birthday, I love that fact that everyone dresses up and eats candy just for me!! Just kidding. This year I learned a lot more about all hallows eve then I ever had before; seeing that this is my birthday you'd think I would know a lot about it. I do now. Traditions that evolve so drastically are really interesting. The history behind Halloween is very neat. I'm drawn to the dark tradition of this holiday, I think I want Halloween to be all year long!
The Halloween plans are to go trick or treating, and then to my parents for dinner. I always go to my parent's house for dinner. I like it, its relaxing and my mom makes really good food. I'm very excited that I get to share that with Wes & all the kids this year. I made the girls really cute costumes & my mom made Logan's. We took Saturday, Sunday & Monday off of work. I really look forward to the 3 days off.
Turning 27. This last year was a crazy roller coaster ride. From spending the fall and early winter alone a lot, to a wonderful new home and family. This year I have really embraced my artistic side, I have been working on a giant mosaic coffee table (80% finished) and really getting into cooking. for the first time I made jam & jelly. It is delicious.
The next year ahead of me will continue on this upward climb to true happiness. I have been so lucky to have such an amazing man to share my life with, and such wonderful children to grown within our care.
The Halloween plans are to go trick or treating, and then to my parents for dinner. I always go to my parent's house for dinner. I like it, its relaxing and my mom makes really good food. I'm very excited that I get to share that with Wes & all the kids this year. I made the girls really cute costumes & my mom made Logan's. We took Saturday, Sunday & Monday off of work. I really look forward to the 3 days off.
Turning 27. This last year was a crazy roller coaster ride. From spending the fall and early winter alone a lot, to a wonderful new home and family. This year I have really embraced my artistic side, I have been working on a giant mosaic coffee table (80% finished) and really getting into cooking. for the first time I made jam & jelly. It is delicious.
The next year ahead of me will continue on this upward climb to true happiness. I have been so lucky to have such an amazing man to share my life with, and such wonderful children to grown within our care.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
My Sisters
Elizabeth Ida Mae
Lisa is my eldest sister, she is the most self assuring woman that I know. She's amazingly creative and hilarious. She disliked Tim since the moment they met. I know she tried, I don't blame her, he was an asshole. Lisa is the one I go to for advice a lot. She really knows a lot about life. She is incredibly smart, smarter then I could ever imagine being. The things I'd love to learn from her...to speak up, I see Lisa speak her mind and tell people how she really feels. I'd love to do that!
Amy Lynn
Amy is the mother to young Adam. She is playful and silly with him. Amy and I hung out a lot when I was in high school. I think this is why we are closer then I am with my other sisters. Amy is very generous, for my last anniversary with Tim; Amy & Michael bought us a suite. It was very thoughtful. Although we got divorced a year later, it really did mean something to me then. She understood my reason to get divorced and supported anything I felt I needed to do.
Robyn Anne
Robyn has 2 daughters, Clare & Molly. Robyn is the strongest person, she is a great mother and a good friend. I don't know how she finds so much strength to do the things she does. Robyn is a no bull shit type of person, straight facts and just do it attitude. She really helped me when Logan was an infant and I had no idea what I was doing. Robyn is always honest, she tells me exactly what is on her mind. I would like to repay Robyn for all she has helped me with. Maybe sometime soon.
I'm not intending to offend anyone, I want all who follow this to understand that these decisions do not define me, I am the same person. I am the dark, quiet, silly girl Ive always been. I'm still really bad a jokes. I still love chocolate and peanut butter. I always spend too much money. Never am on time, and frequently blow people off. I am not very good at calling people back. Very consumed with my job, at the same time I hate it. Im the most forgetful person in the world. Yea, I think that's it; Oh, and I'm a great mom!
Lisa is my eldest sister, she is the most self assuring woman that I know. She's amazingly creative and hilarious. She disliked Tim since the moment they met. I know she tried, I don't blame her, he was an asshole. Lisa is the one I go to for advice a lot. She really knows a lot about life. She is incredibly smart, smarter then I could ever imagine being. The things I'd love to learn from her...to speak up, I see Lisa speak her mind and tell people how she really feels. I'd love to do that!
Amy Lynn
Amy is the mother to young Adam. She is playful and silly with him. Amy and I hung out a lot when I was in high school. I think this is why we are closer then I am with my other sisters. Amy is very generous, for my last anniversary with Tim; Amy & Michael bought us a suite. It was very thoughtful. Although we got divorced a year later, it really did mean something to me then. She understood my reason to get divorced and supported anything I felt I needed to do.
Robyn Anne
Robyn has 2 daughters, Clare & Molly. Robyn is the strongest person, she is a great mother and a good friend. I don't know how she finds so much strength to do the things she does. Robyn is a no bull shit type of person, straight facts and just do it attitude. She really helped me when Logan was an infant and I had no idea what I was doing. Robyn is always honest, she tells me exactly what is on her mind. I would like to repay Robyn for all she has helped me with. Maybe sometime soon.
I'm not intending to offend anyone, I want all who follow this to understand that these decisions do not define me, I am the same person. I am the dark, quiet, silly girl Ive always been. I'm still really bad a jokes. I still love chocolate and peanut butter. I always spend too much money. Never am on time, and frequently blow people off. I am not very good at calling people back. Very consumed with my job, at the same time I hate it. Im the most forgetful person in the world. Yea, I think that's it; Oh, and I'm a great mom!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
James Wesley Allison and I
James an I met at the cesspool we work at. We had been friends since the track opened April 2008. Much to his dislike we were just friends. Trust me, I wanted to pursue him, but my marriage was rocky and it needed all of my energy that summer. After Tim left I mostly just sat at home. James visited me after work a few times, We talked on the phone a lot. A relationship formed so easily, like it was always meant to be there.
Yea it was really soon that We chose to be committed, and in retrospect, it was the only choice. I know the concern my parents and family had. They really thought that was it was too soon, that is was a bad idea. They thought I should wait longer, and maybe Tim and I would work out. Again, they didn't know the whole story. I think this is where the black sheep title really stemmed from. Who knows what their wishes truly were, no one really told me the truth, they still aren't.
James is an amazing man, He is kind and funny. We are so perfect together. We get along great and We have so much fun together. We live in casa rojo, in Centuria WI. Its a crappy little town. James has 3 daughters; Mikayla, Courtney, and Kyrsten. They are wonderful, They get along with Logan just great. We have a very quiet, peaceful existence. We spend a lot of time at home, and doing things as a family.
I am trying very hard to get my family to know us, our family. To accept us. Although I am not getting very far with it. I see the looks we get and no one really talks to us anymore. I hope, I have to hope that someday we will be treated as a part of it, and not outsiders. I am excited for things like Halloween, and thanksgiving. But am hesitant as the bonfire party didn't go very well, We were stared at, and ignored. We are looked at as if we are not accepted. This is the main reason that I decided to go public with this blog. I have no desire to conform to any ones standards, but I would really like everyone to understand, whether they accept us or not.
Yea it was really soon that We chose to be committed, and in retrospect, it was the only choice. I know the concern my parents and family had. They really thought that was it was too soon, that is was a bad idea. They thought I should wait longer, and maybe Tim and I would work out. Again, they didn't know the whole story. I think this is where the black sheep title really stemmed from. Who knows what their wishes truly were, no one really told me the truth, they still aren't.
James is an amazing man, He is kind and funny. We are so perfect together. We get along great and We have so much fun together. We live in casa rojo, in Centuria WI. Its a crappy little town. James has 3 daughters; Mikayla, Courtney, and Kyrsten. They are wonderful, They get along with Logan just great. We have a very quiet, peaceful existence. We spend a lot of time at home, and doing things as a family.
I am trying very hard to get my family to know us, our family. To accept us. Although I am not getting very far with it. I see the looks we get and no one really talks to us anymore. I hope, I have to hope that someday we will be treated as a part of it, and not outsiders. I am excited for things like Halloween, and thanksgiving. But am hesitant as the bonfire party didn't go very well, We were stared at, and ignored. We are looked at as if we are not accepted. This is the main reason that I decided to go public with this blog. I have no desire to conform to any ones standards, but I would really like everyone to understand, whether they accept us or not.
The beginning started at the end
I got divorced. I left a marriage that consisted of lying, deceit, cheating and fighting. ah yes, the fighting. I'm not an innocent by any means, I participated in the destruction. I know that mostly everyone has no idea what really happened. That I have become something of a black sheep amongst my family. I don't believe anyone is doing it on purpose; I want to think it is the fear of the unknown that makes me feel shut out. Shame on me really, as I didn't tell anyone the whole story. Why should I anyways, its none of their business. Its mine, and even though my ex-husband is/was a asshole, talking shit about him isn't going to make me feel better, well maybe it would.
Tim (the ex-husband)left me on October 1st 2008. Just walked out, took what he wanted and left. This had been long time coming, you see, We had been trying to kill each other in anger since about Feb. 2008, well at least full time. I think we had been on and off since our son was born.
So He left, I could feel it coming and imagined that I would be nothing, that I would crumble and fail without him. Stupid right, because He was destroying me in every way imaginable. The moment he left I didn't fall, I didn't crumble to ash, or hide in my bad for days. I found a strength inside me, an anger driven power that pulled me up right and forced me to stand on my own. When your spouse tells you that everything is more important than you, and He doesn't want you in his life anymore, you tend to get a wee bit mad! This helped very much when He came crawling back; the strength I had helped me to say "fuck you" when He begged for a hundredth chance.
And here I am a whole year later, standing on my own 2 feet; not standing very far above the poverty line, but standing. The truth is, you can't just leave something so significant without a few bumps and bruises. I felt a little hurt, still do, and I hope that my child doesn't hurt because of this; after all he is most important. But mostly I have learned that without the pain of a horrible marriage, and the depression that comes with it, that life is there. That now I am happy, for once since high school graduation I can be who I want to be, and live my life my way. We all deserve at least that.
Tim (the ex-husband)left me on October 1st 2008. Just walked out, took what he wanted and left. This had been long time coming, you see, We had been trying to kill each other in anger since about Feb. 2008, well at least full time. I think we had been on and off since our son was born.
So He left, I could feel it coming and imagined that I would be nothing, that I would crumble and fail without him. Stupid right, because He was destroying me in every way imaginable. The moment he left I didn't fall, I didn't crumble to ash, or hide in my bad for days. I found a strength inside me, an anger driven power that pulled me up right and forced me to stand on my own. When your spouse tells you that everything is more important than you, and He doesn't want you in his life anymore, you tend to get a wee bit mad! This helped very much when He came crawling back; the strength I had helped me to say "fuck you" when He begged for a hundredth chance.
And here I am a whole year later, standing on my own 2 feet; not standing very far above the poverty line, but standing. The truth is, you can't just leave something so significant without a few bumps and bruises. I felt a little hurt, still do, and I hope that my child doesn't hurt because of this; after all he is most important. But mostly I have learned that without the pain of a horrible marriage, and the depression that comes with it, that life is there. That now I am happy, for once since high school graduation I can be who I want to be, and live my life my way. We all deserve at least that.
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