I have been searching for something for a very long time. I think really my entire adulthood. I am looking for the job/career that suits my life perfectly, gives me enough time for my kids, and summer fun; but at the same time fill my need of control & workaholic tendencies. I don't think I would be happy at a dead end job for its lack of challenge; but I am currently unhappy at my high stress management job for its 24/7 demand. I long to vacation over the summer, take my kids to the beach, camp, maybe even celebrate the 4th of July somewhere other then work. Honestly, now that I think of it, I have never had a forth of July off in Logan's almost 4 years of life. It was brought to my attention a few days ago, when my mother asked me if she could take him to the cabin for the forth again. Its sad really, the 2nd most fun holiday of the year, and it is almost the busiest weekend of my summer.
I don't really mean to complain about it, but when you sacrifice so much for your work, and don't have much gain; it really makes me wonder why I am missing so much of my kids' lives. For what am I missing this... Wait, for work! what the hell is work going to give me back? Eventually someone younger, faster, that will work for less money will replace me, and my work(that I have sacrificed for) will toss me to the side(lay offs, they call them). I will be done, with no compensation. I feel as though I will emerge from years of a work focused coma, and be nothing but full of regret. My kids will be so used to me being at work that it will be hard to adjust back.
My search continues, the resumes go out, and still no one calls. It really make me feel discouraged. I keep trying I guess. Keep searching...
